Posted by: slartibartifast | December 2, 2008

Something works!


     Over the last 40 years I have had a relationship, I hesitate to call it a Love/Hate relationship because there’s been more Hate than Love in it, but anyway, with windshield wipers for my cars. Average ones, cheap ones, WAY TOO EXPENSIVE ONES, decent ones, crappy ones, REALLY crappy ones, SHITTY ones…you get the picture.

     At some time during their useful life they squeak or chatter or don’t clear at all or streak longitudinally or streak horizontally or skip a spot or hit the other wiper blade or fall apart or split or make a whistling noise at high speed or scratch the windshield or click at the end of their travel or constantly get dirty or moan or thunk against the windshield frame in their enthusiasm or, TWICE in my experience, get so fed up and despondent with their lot in life and miserable failure to perform their ONE job, they fling themselves off the car entirely and Kamikaze some other (hopefully) inanimate object alongside the roadway. 

     Sometimes they mix and match these behaviors together for added miserable condition driving pleasure. Sometimes they decide to do one, or several, of these behaviors the very first time you use them. That’s always a special thrill after spending the time and money to buy and install them; to have a brand new squeaky wiper blade that skips spots and chatters! This last example was actually my last experience and it was with some of the most expensive blades I’ve ever bought- some Bosch ones. To make it funnier it was on my older model BMW. Who woulda thought that Bosch hates any Beamer that’s not brand new???

     And this doesn’t even take into consideration the lifelong scar you incur while trying to cut the F*^#&%@ bubble of the package open or the ripped off fingernail while trying to unjam the last blade from its frozen position of two years or the topological exercise of trying to put the new blade onto the F*^#&%@ arm you just took the old one off of one minute ago.

     Nor does it take into consideration the 1/2 inch shattered area at the base of my passenger side windshield when the naked wiper arm decided to flex its muscle and contract back to its normal resting place JUST as I was reaching for it to insert said topological exercise blade. REAL funny.

     Well, the point of this screed is to announce that I may have found something that finally works up to my, I don’t think excessive, demands for a stinking windshield wiper blade. I just put them on my wife’s Honda Accord tonight and went for a drive in OPR (Oregon Pissy Rain- that annoying precipitation that’s too hard for the intermittent setting of the wiper control and not hard enough for the low speed setting) to go eat out at a restaurant.

     I was stunned after turning on the wipers. For the first  time in recent memory nothing annoying happened with the wipers for the entire round trip. No squeaking, no chattering, no streaks, no suicides. I uncontrollably sobbed with grateful thanks as I pulled into my garage at the end of my journey.

     The source of my newfound inclement weather clearers? Rain-X Latitude refill blades.  They’re wonderful. I can die a happy man now.

     I didn’t even have to go to the Emergency Room for stitches after opening the F*^#&%@ blister packaging with my box knife.

     I don’t expect them to even be on the car the next time I drive it. It’s a sick universe.


  1. Just bought some Rain-X blades today based on your recommendation…so far so good! They installed easily and didn’t chatter on the highway coming home. Only time will tell.

    • Great Greg! I hope they work as well for you and you are as happy with ’em as Becky is.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: