Posted by: slartibartifast | February 23, 2009

Ham Burger

    Bored out of my mind with the prospect of yet another homemade sandwich at home for lunch I went to the Highland Bowl (which automatically intrigues me because of the fact that we live in the Willamette Valley) bowling alley snack bar to have anything different for lunch. There was an item at the top of the menu, usually reserved for the “premiere” item on the menu, described as the Highlander. I felt like playing along with the joke, so I axed the tepidly bored shoe rental jockey/waiter/manager/Maitre’De/bouncer behind the counter “OK, what is the Highlander?”

    After an almost imperceptible eye roll, he answers “it’s a 1/4 lb. hamburger with (he actually took an extra breath here) American cheese, Swiss cheese, bacon, red onions, lettuce, tomato, and a slice of ham.”

    Feeling especially low on an excess of fat from two different farm animals in my bloodstream that day I said, “manufacture one of those for me please.”

    Tingling with anticipation of the arrival of my Ham Burger I wondered why the inventor of the Highlander thought that a Scottish resident of the low mountainous region of Northern Great Britain would be so keen on a double dose of pig product in their burger.

    After an appropriate period of manufacturing time the assistant tepidly bored shoe rental jockey/waiter/manager/Maitre’De/bouncer foot delivered my Ham Burger to me. It wasn’t half bad. Even after processing through the standard bowling alley snack bar Food Deflavorizor, it tasted like all of the aforementioned ingredients were present.

    At least it wasn’t another ham sandwich at my house.

    And then I went and played 7 pinball games (2 paid for and 5 won) on a “NASCAR” pinball machine in the seedy game area. Not a bad lunch.

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